


The Choices We Make

by sarsa



Series: V-ignettes. [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, angsty make out tho, quick make out sesh in the car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 22:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12095106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarsa/pseuds/sarsa
Summary: He sits in the car, lost in the misery of his thoughts. It's you that brings back him every time.





	The Choices We Make

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to "Reach Out And Touch You."  
> Both Reach Out and this story take place around Day 7/8ish in V's route! I took inspiration from his calls on those days. In particular a really heartbreaking one when you call him....  
> Anyway!  
> This is a bit more personal, the story MC talks about is actually based on my actual childhood, so yes I did grow up similarly to Rika. (Except you know, I didn't grow up to start a fucking cult.) Anyway! Enjoy! There will be a third, and final part to this series taking place right before and after V's good ending. And yes it will be smut. >:) Please look forward to it.

"Ah... I'll come back in soon, so don't worry."

With the click of his hang up, you stared down at your phone in silent frustration. It was worrisome just how much V kept wandering outside in his current state, and even though you could see him through the cabin's windows sitting in Seven's car - you couldn't help but worry about him. You knew he wasn't okay, not by a longshot. Physically... emotionally... mentally, it was a wonder he could keep going at all. You felt his pain, and wanted to desperately to mend it, to reach out and have his worries melt away with you in arms. But you knew that was not possible, not yet anyway. So you looked out the window, looking at him sitting alone in Seven's car, your thoughts wandering to the night before.   
There had only been one bed in the cabin Seven had brought you too, and of course all of you had insisted on letting V recover in it. The moment he recovered even in a fraction, he had insisted on trying to give it up to you. But you had steadfastly refused, not willing to let him sleep anywhere else lest his condition worsen. 

"The beds big enough, just let her sleep next to you." Vanderwood had finally cut into your argument, annoyance filling his voice, "I don't see what the big deal is. Just sleep next to each other, it's obvious you two are close already."  
You had had no problem with the idea, and had climbed into bed next to V easily, slipping beneath the blankets and offering a shy smile. He returned it weakly, but you could feel how tense his body became the moment you got into bed next to him. And when you turned the lights off, you felt his fear... his inability to fall asleep, only able to look on at you, trembling.

So you had taken matters into your own hands, curling up next to him, hoping he could feel how much you had come to care for him, how much you wanted to ease his pain.   
The night had ended up with you wrapped up in his arms, and you felt his inner conflict, his gentle sobs as he clung to you. It hurt, it hurt so much to see him so at war with who he was and who he wanted to be. You could feel part of him longing to reach out to you, to take you, claim you. The next morning you felt him creep out of bed first, untangling himself from you, but leaving you with a gentle kiss. 

"I'm sorry..."

And then he avoided you... opting to go out to sit in Seven's car to stew in his own misery. The side-effects of the drug wasn't helping of course, according to Seven's research it only served to make him more miserable, more depressed, more self-loathing. It killed you to watch. Knowing he felt unworthy to even look at you, only able to call you... because he so desperately wanted to hear your voice for comfort. You wanted to give yourself to him, to give him the courage to carry on, to tell him that this didn't need to be an ending.  
He was still out there by the time lunchtime rolled around and you decided you needed to take things into your own hands, so you got up from your seat at the window taking a moment to stretch before walking over to where Seven was hunched over furiously typing away.

"Um, Seven?" You hoped your voice was loud enough to catch the hacker's attention, and to your surprise he spun around easily at the sound of your voice.

"Yes? What is it? Is everything okay?" He looked at you, slightly bewildered and you could see just how dark his under-eyes were. 

_After all this is over, they all need at least a week of just sleep._ You thought to yourself before replying.

"I just, wanted to let you know I'm going to go check on V outside. He hasn't come back inside yet, and I'm worried he's going to let his thoughts get carried away..."

Seven nodded, "Mm, good idea... thank you for looking after him. He's... very lucky to have you, you know? Okay, well, don't take too long to bring him back in. It's still dangerous."  
You nodded, offering him a small smile before grabbing your jacket and going outside to where his car was parked. He was sitting in the front seat, looking out the windshield with a dazed expression and it wasn't until you were sitting in the car, slamming the door shut that V noticed you. He jumped, his entire body tensed until he looked over realizing it had only been you.

"Oh... you came to check on me. I'm sorry if I worried you, I was just about to come in."

You smiled sadly, "I don't think you were... V, I know you must have a lot on your mind. And it's okay if you don't want to talk about it all just yet, but." You fiddled with your fingers, trying to think of the right words that would offer comfort, "And I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable but I-"

"You could never make me feel uncomfortable." He startled you with the sudden interruption and suddenly he was looking at you with startling intensity, that softened into a sweet smile that showed the hints of sadness within him, "Your presence... your words, all of you - it's offered me so much comfort during all this. I only wish I could offer you the same. But... I can't. I can only offer myself up to end this once and for all."

You stayed quiet, thinking back to Rika... the things she told you... the way she grew up... her anger... her frustration. It upset you to see V dragged into this, that he felt so helpless, unable to reach Rika. And Rika...

"You know... you said, I remind you of Rika. She said so too, that we're similar," Your voice was hesitant, quiet, "Listening to her talk about her childhood, it's almost eerie actually just how similar we are. At least in terms of environment growing up. Obviously I'm... well, I haven't done anything like create Mint Eye."

The car stayed quiet for a moment and in the silence you fidgeted trying to take a moment to collect your thoughts before speaking again. You brought your legs up to hug them to your chest, biting your lip and looking out the window. It was V that brought you back, you felt his hand gently, hesitantly take one of yours. His grip was soft, his fingers gently rubbing your knuckles. He said nothing, patiently looking at you with a comforting expression on his face, waiting for you to speak again.

"The truth is, growing up... I didn't have my real mother with me. I grew up with a step-mother who refused to acknowledge me because I wasn't her blood. I was isolated, told to stay in my room away from the rest of the family, because I wasn't good enough. Sometimes I would go days without eating because I was too ashamed to be seen by anyone, I felt as though I was a prisoner condemned in my room. All by myself... I would cry sometimes, well, often, wishing I could find someone or some way to comfort my loneliness. I often prayed to wake up somewhere else. But there was no one, nothing... every day was like clockwork. Just laying on the floor of my room with tears in my eyes. When I went to school... it didn't get much better. Children can always tell when someone is different, and they thought of me as a freak, and a weirdo. I didn't have a mother to teach me how to be a girl, to dress nice, a mother that could do my hair in the morning. I couldn't conform to their desires anymore then I could conform to my step-mothers." You paused, realizing you were suddenly clutching V's hand tighter then you had thought.

"It's alright," he whispered, taking his other hand to place it over your hand he was already holding.

You smiled at him, taking a shaky breath before continuing, "I tried really hard to make friends, but most days I'd come home holding back tears. They would call me all sorts of names, once they even chased me across the school yelling at me asking me why I was such a freak. I tried to go to my step-mother thinking if I could ask for advice perhaps we could bond, that she would maybe take pity on me and finally look to me as a daughter. But... her voice when I went to her was cold, and I knew she didn't care. But what she told me..."

_"Why does it matter what they think about you?"_

You paused, leaning your head forward to rest your chin on your knees, "I was upset she didn't offer me words of comfort, or a shoulder to cry on. But... I realized she was right. I was letting them hurt me, I was letting them tell me how I should feel about myself. They told me that I was a freak, that I was someone who would be forever unloveable... but the only person who can decide that is myself. The only person who can decide who I am, is me. I learned I couldn't let them turn me into the monster that they thought I already was. To do that would mean there would be no going back, I would forever be a slave to that darkness inside me. I didn't want to live my life forever hating people who wouldn't understand me. Instead I hoped that I could learn to find a way to find my inner light, to be someone who could be befriend others that felt such a pain too. I couldn't do that if I allowed my hatred and self loathing to consume me. My past is a part of me, but I wouldn't let it control me."

V looked at you, feeling his heart pounding in his chest at your words, the story was achingly similar to Rika. It pained him to know you too had suffered and yet...

"Rika let them mold her. When they called her a monster, she allowed that to become true... I think, she thought... by becoming what they already thought of her, she could be acknowledged. But when you think you're a monster... you can't help but think monstrous thoughts. It eats away at you...and-" your voice cracked, "I want to help her, help Rika... but I don't know if we can reach her. And V... I know you think you're at fault. You became obsessed with the idea of filling her with a love that would overcome the darkness within her. But, it's not as though your intentions were malicious. I think, despite the anger she's showing, I think... she was scared to lose the one thing she had built to make herself feel real to others. That underlying darkness. Or perhaps... even more simply, she was scared to lose the one person who offered her hope that maybe she could be more then that. So rather then lose it... she chose to drive it away before she could be hurt."

You realized you had begun to cry, a silent stream of tears running down your face, "I wish you wouldn't feel so guilty... Rika had a choice, just as I did. Life is about choices, and what we make of the choices we're given. We can either give in to the anger and despair we experience, or we can choose to become stronger. V, I think you know that... and I think you want to become stronger, I think you want to change to become a person who can look out at the sky with no regrets."

It became quiet in the car after you finished speaking, and you looked down at your feet, fidgeting nervously. Had you said too much? Were you wrong? But V's hand was still clutching yours and you looked up to sneak a peek at his face.  
He was looking down at his hands clasping yours, and you realized he had begun to cry. Tears fell down onto your hands and he rubbed them away with his thumb, before looking up at you, his mint eyes looking at yours with a longing that stung your heart. You were so sure of yourself, so strong, but still maintaining that beautiful innocence that drew him in. He knew of course that he needed to tread carefully, his feelings were a mess... he didn't want to hurt you because his head and heart were mixed up. And yet... the only emotion that truly felt tangible, the only one he felt he could pick out among the jumble in his head was the overwhelming feeling of affection he felt for you. It rang clear in his head, more then it ever had for Rika. There was no thinking about it... the feelings he held for you were as clear as the night sky.

"V?" Your voice trembled, suddenly afraid that perhaps you had misspoke. He looked at you, smiling gently, wiping away his tears before speaking.

"I... before I met you. Truthfully... I thought there was no other option but giving myself up to Rika to spare the RFA's suffering. I truly felt that it would be the right way to end things... that perhaps my suffering could ease Rika's." He looked at you, a small smile appearing on his face as he sighed, "But meeting you, it's made me wish to look at the other options finally. It makes me wish to keep fighting. To find love again one day, so I can stand by the person I admire and match her strength. I...I've asked so much of you. Is it selfish of me to want to have you by my side? I think perhaps, right now it is... it's too selfish to ask you to be with me as I am right now." He looked at you, his hand finally leaving yours only to reach out to touch your cheek with a shaking hand, "And perhaps it's selfish of me to even ask this of you... but, I'll ask it anyway. Can you wait for me? Can you wait for this foolish man to make sense of himself, so he can come back to you stronger once this is over?" 

Before you could reply, even think of a reply, he was leaning over - placing his lips against yours in a soft kiss. His hands were in your hair, and you felt yourself melt against his touch, reciprocating every one of his emotions he offered up. You felt his hands fall to your waist and you allowed him to pull you over onto his lap, somehow managing to do it without breaking apart despite the small space of Seven's car. His kisses were soft, filled with a longing you wished to fulfill. You could feel his hands tremble as they roamed your body, and so you tightened your grip around his neck to let him know you were okay, that it was okay for him to touch you. He deepened the kiss, and you obliged, parting your mouth letting his tongue slip into you. Your hands moved to the back of his head, grasping at his hair as you moaned into the kiss, feeling butterflies flutter in your stomach. 

He broke away suddenly, clutching at his head and letting out a soft groan of pain. You looked at him in concern, noting that he had suddenly broke out into a sweat. Was it the side-effects from the drugs? You needed to get him inside to rest before he ended up even worse off.

"Haa... I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." His voice became thick with tears, his eyes narrowing in anguish, "I don't... I can't hurt you too... haa. I shouldn't be allowed think of such happiness. I shouldn't drag you any further into this... I've already... h-hurt you enough. It's foolish, I should... I should just go and let her... ah... but when I think of your face I suddenly become selfish and I want to _stay_. But I'll... I'll only end up destroying you... the RFA... everyone."

"V, look at me, please..." You brought a hand up to touch the side of his face to comfort him. His skin had become clammy, and you knew he needed to go inside to rest immediately, "I know it's hard to think otherwise, but you can't let that drug drag you down into it's despair. You're not being selfish, V. You're still sick, your minds still cloudy, but please, if you can only remember one thing, remember that I mean every word I say to you. I want to be here with you  
V, I want to be by your side."

You leaned over into his chest, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck trying to hold back tears of your own. You could feel his whole body trembling, you could hear his shaky breaths as he attempted to get himself under control.   
"I... I'm sorry, I've said something that upset you again." He whispered, wrapping his arms around you, holding you against his body tightly, "I should... go rest. Will you come with me? You... you're so comforting to me right now. Hearing your voice... seeing your face, it helps me to stay focused."

"I won't leave your side, V." You whispered, turning your head to kiss his cheek softly, "I promise... I promise."


End file.
